captainsquanto
09-26-2006, 11:02 AM
I was kicking back and having a few beers by myself yesterday, fondly remembering some of my past sexual exploits. Two in particular always make me laugh.
I was banging this steaming hot Guatamalean chick I dated for a week in high school. She was in shape. I mean.. she could have been in Playboy, no questions asked (I still want to punch myself for dumping her). Being as healthy as she was, she was pretty flexible. So halfway through intercourse, I lifted her legs so fucking far that her feet were almost by her ears.. and then came a long, windy whoooosh from her pussy. She was embarassed as hell, and to make matters worse, I was laughing so hard, I rolled off the bed. She wasn't too happy about that.
My next queef story takes place a few years before this. I was 17, and banging this MILF who was 29. Another hot piece of ass - she worked out daily, ate healthy, had the natural beauty thing, etc.
One day, she wants to try this stupid warming lube. I asked her if that was for massages, or handjobs, or what.. because the idea of putting anything weird on my dick doesn't really excite me. She said she didn't know either.. so after a couple minutes of jerking me off, I gloop some of this shit on her pussy and rub it around. After a minute, we both decide that the shit isn't just warm.. it's kinda fucking hot. We wiped off with a wet towel, but we still had the sticky shit on us.. but we were too horny to worry about it.
I stick it in, and not even 20 pumps later, and this queef came out like nobody's business. It sounded like the last time I drank a 2 liter of soda in between eating mexican food. I couldn't believe a twat could make those noises. After about 3 or 4 seconds, it gets quiet. 3 or 4 seconds later, it kicks back in for another 3 or 4 seconds. It did that like 5 times.... I just sat there with my mouth hanging open - and I might as well have had "WHAT... THE... FUCK???" tattooed on my forehead, because she was so bright red and embarrased that she grabbed the burn-y lube towel, covered her face, and ran out of the living room.
It took me a few minutes to convince her that we should finish what we started... although I had to turn the lights off because I kept smiling from ear to ear and trying not to laugh.
And those are my stories.
I was banging this steaming hot Guatamalean chick I dated for a week in high school. She was in shape. I mean.. she could have been in Playboy, no questions asked (I still want to punch myself for dumping her). Being as healthy as she was, she was pretty flexible. So halfway through intercourse, I lifted her legs so fucking far that her feet were almost by her ears.. and then came a long, windy whoooosh from her pussy. She was embarassed as hell, and to make matters worse, I was laughing so hard, I rolled off the bed. She wasn't too happy about that.
My next queef story takes place a few years before this. I was 17, and banging this MILF who was 29. Another hot piece of ass - she worked out daily, ate healthy, had the natural beauty thing, etc.
One day, she wants to try this stupid warming lube. I asked her if that was for massages, or handjobs, or what.. because the idea of putting anything weird on my dick doesn't really excite me. She said she didn't know either.. so after a couple minutes of jerking me off, I gloop some of this shit on her pussy and rub it around. After a minute, we both decide that the shit isn't just warm.. it's kinda fucking hot. We wiped off with a wet towel, but we still had the sticky shit on us.. but we were too horny to worry about it.
I stick it in, and not even 20 pumps later, and this queef came out like nobody's business. It sounded like the last time I drank a 2 liter of soda in between eating mexican food. I couldn't believe a twat could make those noises. After about 3 or 4 seconds, it gets quiet. 3 or 4 seconds later, it kicks back in for another 3 or 4 seconds. It did that like 5 times.... I just sat there with my mouth hanging open - and I might as well have had "WHAT... THE... FUCK???" tattooed on my forehead, because she was so bright red and embarrased that she grabbed the burn-y lube towel, covered her face, and ran out of the living room.
It took me a few minutes to convince her that we should finish what we started... although I had to turn the lights off because I kept smiling from ear to ear and trying not to laugh.
And those are my stories.